Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Fear! What REALLY scares you?

I know that sounds trite but I need some input.  Everybody has a phobia, a fear of something.  I need your help - What scares you? Really, really scares you?

I don't want to write a book about zombies, vampires, werewolves, ghosts, etc.  What I want are real, tangible fears... like drowning, snakes, rats, falling, etc.

When you respond I'd like you to be as specific as possible.  I'm not looking for vague responses of "I fear water and drowning."  What I want you to tell me is your fear "I fear drowning in water. Screaming for help and only water filling my lungs. No air. Struggling."  I want you to give me emotions or the best you can so I can feel the angst and sheer fear of the moment.

As a youth, part of a hazing I endured was being held down and assorted bugs, leeches, snails, worms, and a snake being put on my naked body.  A couple of worms were placed on my ears and I could feel them slowly inch their way into my ear canal. Being held down by six or seven other boys, I could do nothing but scream -- a muffled scream until the gag was in place. I felt the snake slither across my chest, stomach and once down around my groin. It was a baby garter snake, but still..

To this day I have my issues.  I love to fish and only in the last year have I been able to overcome my aversion to a worm enough to actually touch one, pick it up and put it on a hook.  A shiver courses down my spine even as I think about it.  Yes, it has taken over 50 years to come to terms with that day.

I do not hold the boys responsible, it was a passage I had to endure.  Sure, they thought I was going to squeal and tell one of the adult leaders but I didn't.  I wanted to, trust me, I so wanted to but I didn't and in their eyes, I gained a lot of admiration.  I was one of the gang.  I only remember one more hazing after I joined that elite group.  I didn't participate and almost was ex-communicated but wasn't and the group continued.  Some of those boys and I are friends yet today.

But my fear of bugs was the easiest to put away. Roly-polies, ants, spiders, beetles, and other creepy-crawlies are too numerous to sweat about. Snails never really bothered me until I was faced with escargot -- but that is a whole different story.

The leech was sheer terror.  My mind raced with horror as I considered it attaching to my skin and start sucking blood out of me.  Fortunately, they only let it on my body for a few moments. Just long enough for me to feel it slime me then they'd pick it up and move it. One suggestion had my adrenaline pulsing but nobody acted on it and my nude groin area was safe, sort of.

Now snakes, on the other hand! I still have an aversion to them but then again, I wasn't a big fan of snakes prior to the incident. The worms were the biggest fear.  Have about twenty of them wriggling over your bare chest and stomach. If you think having a worm crawl around your ear is cool, try it.  BUT, you can't pull it away when it starts down the ear canal.  You have to let it stretch its wriggling, searching head into that small orifice as it looks for a dark escape route.

Now, share your fear with me. Make my skin crawl.

Until next I ramble on...

1 comment:

  1. I am deathly afraid of closed in places--specifically caves. I think it's the dark that gets me and the thought that there is rock overhead. If I can see the light, I'm fine. If I can't, I start to choke and my heart feels like it's pounding up the north face of my sternum. I get weak in the knees. My husband wanted to do cave tours on our honeymoon. I went because, well, it was true love. It about killed me.