Monday, July 16, 2012

Butterfly Life

Sorry I've gone amiss these few weeks.  My mother had a double stroke and was in intensive care and then after two weeks, released back to the nursing home. She relapsed a week later, had a minor stroke and passed away.  I've been dealing with all the issues of finalizing things for the remaining parent.  This weekend is like the final goodbye as we sell off the last of the few things she had.

I'm not one for a lot of momentos and such.  I have my memories and a simple scent in the wind or glint of twinkle is all I need to remind myself of a moment with my mom or dad.  I don't need to keep my dad's pipes or my mom's jewelry.  A scent of cherry tobacco or a pretty glistening earring and I can see my dad with his pipe when I was a kid or visualize my mom putting on her jewelry and makeup.  My mom was the original Mrs. Cleaver; always dressed nice, full makeup and the appropriate amount of bling.

It is amazing how an incident such as a funeral can stop one in the footsteps right then and there.  I had to finish the edits of book for a publisher -- and I did.  But all my other writing suffered.  I couldn't even attempt to write; it just wasn't in me.  Here it is; well over a month later and I'm just realizing that I haven't blogged or done any of my typical weekly writing things.

I feel like a butterfly.  Yes, that is strange for a man to say but think of it this way.  I was a caterpillar moving along, eating and enjoying life ... all the while knowing I was prepping for something bigger.  Then, like in the cocoon stage, I've sort of snuggled away and let everything go.

Now I am coming out of that cocoon.  I am like a butterfly.  I have come to realize that I am now the senior level of my family tree.  I have one surviving aunt; my father's sister.  But, for all practical purposes, I am now the head honcho, the person in charge, the elder.

Now that is a scary thought.  Being the family elder.  I don't expect everyone to come to seek my advice.  It is no longer that way but still, my mindset is from the 50s and 60s where the eldest person in the family was the most respected person and the one who usually had all the answers.  God knows I don't have the answers.  I can give suggestions.  In no way would I ever feel comfortable telling somebody they had to do this or that.

So with that acknowledgement to my life, I hope to be more understanding of others as I move toward the sunset of my butterfly's life.